Hmmm (:

This post is going to be really short! hah im really not in the mood to blog. Yeah i have a lot i could blog about but i'm just not in the mood. Life is great at the moment. I had my last Christmas today and family came over to our house. It was very fun!! (: in a way, I'm kinda glad its done because I had 5 Christmases. It gets to be a lot. All is well with family. No one really had to travel far which is good with weather and all. Everyone is fairly healthy. My grandma has no voice however and has a cough, but claims to feel fine. On Saturday I was up at 7 to go shopping with my anut and grandma. That was fun. I got my winterfest dress! I love it (: I've eaten so much in the last 4 days its crazy! Time to get back on track and work out. It's been a great break so far! I am a very happy girl! This week, who knows what it will bring. I know a lot of hanging out with friends! Thats for sure (: and im very excited for new years. Even though I'm not even sure what im doing..hah. Well I hope everyone is doing good and had a WONDERFUL Christmas!! And happy New Year to all as well!!

It only takes a minute...

Have you ever taken time to just stop. Stop and think about Christmas and everything about it? The true meaning, the warm feeling you get, time spent with family, all the yummy food? Have yourself a merry little christmas is one of my favorite Christmas songs. Each verse makes me think, and has a different and unique meaning. The first verse tells us to have light hearts and let all the troubles be gone. Its such a wonderful time of year to not be happy! How can you not be!? Let everything else be gone for your mind, and focus on the now. Take every moment you can get of this joyus holiday. The second verse also talks about troubles, and how they should be miles away. I'm going to say just the same thing as I did for the first one. Have a warm heart. Let all the Christmas spirit flow into you. Kick all the negitivity out. Then if you really wanna, after Chrtistmas is done, go chase all your bad feelings and bring them back into you. Its your choice but I think for a day or two we can be happy and enjoy ourselves. The third verse talks about the golden days and our friends. About the happy days, and the friends that are dear to us. For most, our families are our closest friends. They mean everything to us. I know for me, its such a blessing to get together with family. Its so cool to share all the special things with them, like going to church, then a big meal following. Now I think thats a golden day too. I think everyone should take a little time to think of those who dont have family left, or anywhere near home. Those who are alone on this amazing time of year. The soldiers being one. They are over fighting for OUR freedom while we are sitting here eating all this deliciuos food and opening the wonderful gifts. They are risking thier lives for us while we sit feeling sick because we ate so much. 5 minutes would be all it would take. Maybe just say a prayer for them, thier saftey. Or go buy a gift for them. Even writing them a letter. Its the littlest things that go the farthest. This Christmas especially, with the weather, I'm sure there were lots of people that sat alone. That has got to be hard. Take a minute just to think about that, and what if it were you? And the last verse. This says that throughout the years we will all be together, and have a merry little christmas. It really is a blessing to be together on the holidays. Its one of those things that can be easily taken forgranted. I cant stress enough, to just take a minute to think about this, Everything about this holiday! It will be worth it. I promise. I hope everyone has an AMAZING holiday, Merry Christmas to all and have a safe and happy New Year!!

Blessings to all--Rachel

Again...

Tummy turning. Heart racing, beating through my chest.
Mind all over the place, thinking every thought possible.
Emotions flowing up and down my body.
That one message can do SO much.
I have been thinking about you all day.
Why cant you just let me know whats going on? How you feel.
I wanna cry.
I don't know what to do.
I wish I could drive over and see you. Work this out.
Don't tell me that your going to be another one of those guys that just stops talking to me.
Another broken heart, another long road ahead.
More tears shed.
I cant imagine how this will affect me. How my life will be different.
Why do I always fall so hard?
It only hurts that much more.
We talked for so long.
I wanna go back to that first day. The first week.
I don't wanna loose you.
I love talking to you.
Even though people say different, I know you.
We can all be short, or mean sometimes.
But we gotta deal and move on.
I hope we can work this out. Together.
Don't leave me..
Don't put me through that again.
Hold my head up high once again.
My life motto. It never gets old. Just when things seem to be fine, I go back and get hurt and remind myself to just keep pushing on. Head held high.
Relax. It will work out. Give it time. Breathe and hope for the best.
Hopefully he will realize he needs you as much as you need him.
Just keep pushin on for now....

Most of all my blogs are really long. They are all things that I've written to show my feelings, to let it out. It helps me so much. This is going to be a shorter one. Right now my emotions are racing, my mind in every direction. I dont know what to think, or what to do. I made a mistake. I was looking on the internet and found this qoute and it fits so much.

"When you are in love and you get hurt, its like a cut...it will heal, but there will always be a scar..."
---Unknown

All I can think about right now is you, and how I hope things will get worked out. I dont know how to show or tell you that. You made a mark on me. Thats for sure...

Keep it coming

Stepping inside from the cold,
The place is full.
Running into the bathroom,
Hoping she didn't see me.
Wondering what will happen,
As the time goes by.
They run in, freaking out.
Saying they sneaked in through the car side to go door.
Still waiting,
Standing in the bathroom.
5, 10, 15 minutes pass by....
Creep around the corner,
Then jump and yell SURPRISE!

This is how the night started.
Alix's 16th birthday.
Get the text this afternoon, saying a party at Apple bees for Alix at 7. Get her gift, go home and get ready. Arrive at Apple bees, not really sure whats going on, or whats going to happen. The hummer pulls in, as I race to the bathroom. Call Summer and Sam to see where they are. Just chilling in the bathroom, not a big deal. They come running in 15 minutes later. Now all of us are standing there, clueless. Sage comes in, and we wait. She leaves and we're left alone. She comes back in to get us, as we are creeping around every corner, hiding. There she is. the birthday girl. SURPRISE!! and she is. Opening her presents, as the table is being set. The camera comes out for pictures. The laughter start and the good times begin. Sitting at the end of the long table, I feel like a little girl again, with my friends. We cant stop laugh, one thing after another. Eating limes and getting food shoved in my face. Feeding each other to shoving our faces. Good thing i went on the treadmill!! Its such a fun night. I love hanging out with my friends, my girls. We have so many good times together and its only the start. My stomach hurts from laughing SO much. I think about the future and what it holds. Not only for us but them as individuals...Summer Mariah. She is probably one of the funnest girls around. She makes me laugh every time. She is so sweet, nice, kind and caring. Samantha Kay. She is so caring! She wouldn't hurt a fly. This girl is always there for you. Alix Rachel. She is adorable! She makes me laugh too. She says the weirdest, cutest funnest things you will ever hear! All of these girls are so beautiful. Inside and out. I got so lucky to find friends like these!! And I have SO many more amazing friends in my life. I lucked out. Thanks girls!! GREAT night!! (: <3<3

The True Meaning

Christmas spirit fills the air,
Everyone in great care.

All the Christmas tunes throughout the house,
As the cat runs by with his toy mouse.

Time to go tree chop,
Lights, ornaments, angel on the very top.

Family pictures taking place,
All the cheesy smiles on your face.

The sweet smell of cookies flowing,
As the inner kid starts showing.

Day by day, the tree getting more full,
The I start to push and pull.

Looking for the present that says my name,
I think its a wonderful game!

The nativity scene goes up,
Is that baby Jesus in a cup?

Place him on the hay,
With not much more to say.

Stockings hung above the fire place,
What a beautiful space.

The snow falling down ever so light
making everything wonderfully bright.

So many kids outside playing,
Running, jumping and laying.

The true meaning beginning to show,
As i look through books, row by row.

They followed that bright star,
And they knew that weren't far.

Mary and Joseph found no luck,
But a stable with animals, they were stuck.

Jesus was born,
as the animals were worn.

Sitting on the hard wood floor,
Mary carried a child no more.

The truth be told,
and all the joys be hold.

A holiday so great,
No one could be late.

Enjoy this day
In every way.

Keep the true meaning in mind,
As Jesus is never left behind..

Its only the Begining! (:

I walk in, as the night begins.
Sitting down, hanging around.
Just having a good time with the squad.
The first of many team sleep overs.
The cameras coming out for pictures.
With the plates just sitting out, on the counter, we decide to do something a little bit crazy.
Cutting, coloring and out comes the glitter.
The finished product? A mask!
We decide to go kidnap one of the girls at work.
It's midnight.
Get there, find out she already left! Uh...
Pulling into the drive way. Back to the house.
Talk and be silly a little longer. Then finally crash.
Its 6:30. Leave by 6:50.
Running around to try and get ready, its chaos!
Get into uniform, hair up, ribbons in, make-up on.
I'm so nervous! Heart racing.
And we're off!
Get there, set stuff down and get our pillows out.
It's starting. I feel like I could be sick!
Looking down the row, we decide to start a cheer.
It goes good!
Keep cheering our Tiger wrestlers on!
Scanning the room, the only squad here.
Heart still racing, shacking hands, nerves still there.
I made a mistake. Just keep going. No one noticed!
It's done. The first match.
It went really well! I'm happy with myself.
It was super fun, exciting!
A great team, a great squad, a great day, a great experience...
A GREAT SEASON AHEAD! (:

Wish upon a star!

The thoughts wont leave me.
I know I'm over you.
Well, at least I thought I was. I thought I was 100% sure I was.
What is this telling me?
I cant go back to you. No.
But, uh. Why do I still catch myself thinking of you? Daydreaming of what could have been.
That curly brown hair. Cute smile.
WHY?! I cant. NO!
Stop.
Think of how he hurt you. All that pain. The tears. Long talks.
But then think of the times he called you, that adorable voice of his.
The babe and cutie. Seeing him for the first time. All those thoughts going through your mind.
All your friends say no, your mom says no.
But you say yes.
How you dream and wish that he will text you!
That he thinks about me. Only if its for a minute, once a month. Anything!
For him to realize what he did. To look at your pictures and think, Dang. I kinda miss her.
Anything. Just to show he knows I'm still here. Not loosing hope.
It will take so much for him to get me back. If he realizes at least..
Will I take him back?....
He hurt me so bad. What do I do?!
I wish...and I don't think It will come true.
Maybe I will try one of those tricks..wish upon a star. Wish at 11:11?
Who knows..
I wish...
..upon a star.

Nothing can take me down

I close the door as the tears stream down my face.
Again, out of no where.
It kills me so bad. Why?! The only question running through my mind.
I don't know where to go, what to do or who to talk to.
As I sit on the floor, tears coming out of me like a running sink.
I cant talk, or even think.
My minds a mess, so is my heart. I feel like there is a huge hole in it.
As I look outside, the sun is shining. A beautiful day.
If only all that warmness could come into me, and warm me up.
I sit there thinking, "How can I change?"
Brainstorming all the ideas running through me.
My mind is blank in a way. I have a killer headache now.
All I could use is a hug. A pat on the back. Someone to tell me its going to be okay..
That's what parents are for right? Well not this time...
As I sit there taking it all in, him telling me that I'm rude, and disrespectful.
How I owe everyone an apology. If things don't change I will be out of all my activities,
No phone, no rides to school, no rides to sporting events or to friends.
I try to talk. No, he tell me. I don't want to hear you talk.
Ouch. That one hurt. Every part of me hurts.
It feels like someone keeps beating you and once your down, they keep on doing it.
The tears wont stop. I try but they just keep coming.
I don't want people to think this of me! That's the part that's killing me.
How could I live with that!?
Things have to change. I have to change.
Not only for me, but the ones around me.
He gets up, leaves.
I sit there, alone. Again.
No where to go, No one to talk to, No idea what to do.
At this point, I think all hope is lost.
I get up, and go to bed.
Get up the next morning, head held high, like nothing ever happened.
But on the inside I'm dying. I just remind myself not to let anyone notice.
Stay strong. Hold you head high. You've been through so much already, you can take this.
Just keep that in the back of your mind...and continue on.

You had me at hello....

Wake up, check my phone.
It's a habit.
Today I wake up to a "hey you!"
My day has been made.
Not suprising. He does it quite often.
He sucks me in, more and more each day.
6 feet of all american boy.
The big green eyes,
Shaggy blonde hair.
The one behind all the cuteness.
I listen to the song "One Less Lonely Girl" by Justin Bieber.
He makes me feel like there is one less lonely girl in this world.
He may not know that though.
All the butterflies and the warm feeling in my stomach when I see the text messages from him.
When it comes time to say good night, I am dying inside, waiting for the next day to come. To be able to talk to him again.
You make me smile. I catch myself laughing out loud sometimes.
You are so adorable.
I cant even think about not talking to him anymore.
It would suck. I gotta take every minute with him and enjoy it.
I havent felt like this in a long time. Its nice, knowing you have someone to wake up too.
We might not be dating yet, but we have talked for so long.
All day, everyday.
To hear your voice, it sends chills up my spine.
"Night baby girl...."
Baby, you had me at hello....

You lost me...

The slurred words.
Funny walking.
I knew it right when I saw you.
It hurts. My heart aches.
We have had conversations about this before.
You know I don't like it.
I hate it. I told you not to do it.
You don't act like yourself at all.
Jumping up on tables, yelling.
I grab you. We're leaving.
I put you on the couch. Your out in a matter of seconds.
I go up to bed. Think.
Think of how this kills me. What you did to me.
I cant get my head around it. Why? That's the only thing I can ask myself right now.
How can I trust you again?
It's morning. He cant remember a thing.
We talk. I cry. Will we fix this?
He apologizes so many times. I don't get why I cant let this go.
Trust. Lies.
As the tears stream down my face, he pulls me in closer.
He leaves and I go to my room.
Why is this so hard? Kiss and make up. It's that easy. Not.
He lost my trust,
Respect.
He lied.
He lost me...

Daddy's Little Girl, Mommy's Little Angle

Those big blue eyes,
That HUGE grin going from ear to ear.
The soft little fingers and toes,
Interlacing with yours.

All the baby clothes,
The diapers and pascafires.
And the typical eat, sleep, poop.

You hear the cries,
Turning into whines.
Now she's talking.
Oh the time flies!

All the flashbacks from when she was little,
Now you turn around and she's walking down the asile.
You remember how you used to tuck her in at night,
Give her a kiss on the check.

All the late night talks,
Early morning wake up calls.
The tears shed,
Laughs and smiles had.

You remember the boy talks,
The shopping trips.
All the boy things you tried to get ther to do.
Painting her nails.

Back to the day when she was 16,
Driving and the slamming doors at 1 A.M.
The parties and the sleepovers.
All the cute girly giggles.

That beautiful smile,
The long walks.
Hand in hand.
Heart to heart.

Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
The father daughther dance, mother daughter is next.
She looks so beautiful.
That white dress, make up on.

You look her in the eye.
Tears rolling down both cheacks.
"I love you so much. I don't know what I would have done with out you. You were my life, my all. You made me the person I am today.."
Is what she tells you

Your heart fills with warmth,
As the tears continue on.
Thats my little girl, my little angle.
Always has been, always will be....

Friday the 13th on Saturday the 14th??

It's finally here.
Friday, the weekend.
Its been a weekend I have waited for, for a long time.
A stressful and full week behind me.
Tryouts are done, I hope I made it.Now I get to go home and just hang out, relax with my best friend.We always have so much fun together. Her boyfriend comes over too.Watch a movie, just hang out.Now thier gone and I need to pack for our girls weekend up in the cities!Going to bed,getting up early to go out for breakfast.Alarm going off.Uff-da! It's early. 7 A.M.Call dad.Breakfast isnt happening.
He somes, it seems like he chose my brother over me.
No money, 2 strikes.
Im so frusterated! The tears come. My mom sees, and gives me a hug. What a great way to start off whats suppossed to be a fun weekend! :/ now I keep getting ready, up for no reason. Our ride comes at nine and we head up to the cities. Shopping! I text a friend happy birthday. No reply. This prooves he is a jerk, even though I've thought that already. What the heck did I do to him!? Ugh. At the mall, just hanging around. I cant even go to stores I like, another strike. Thats 3. Its lunch time. We go to this Kocomos places. Its not good. My food looks like a piece of rubber. Strike 4. now we are done. I can go to a few stores I like. It's so hot and I feel like crap. Strike 5. Not many bags in hand, I see things I like finally. It double the price of what it said. Nevermind, not getting it. Now what are we up to? 6 I think? We are leaving the mall. Off to the hotel. It's very fancy! We get settled in, then figure out where to eat. I'm talking to him. He knows the right words to make everything better. Why cant I just be with him? Those big eyes, big smile. We decide to walk to a place and see if we can get in. Its so cold out! And we cant get in till 9. Next place. Same thing, not till 9. Strike 7? Now we are back to where we started, passing the hotel, still walking. We find a sports bar kinda place and eat there. They bring out the food. Mine is wrong. 8 strikes! Jeez! Oh well, I still eat it. Walking back to the hotel. We get Star Bucks and go back to the room. Wrong thing again! Strike 9! Now I cant take it. Im not having any fun. My eyes well up again and I talk to my mom. I feel so bad that Im not having any fun. Im trying so hard, but its just one thing after another! I just wanna go home at this point. I'm so tired. Bed time. The next day is better. Get up, get ready and we went to Target. It was fun. We went out to luch and it was better than lunch the day before! I think things have turned around for me. I get home and not in the best mood because I wasnt too happy with my dad. Grandparents are coming. Great now Im a crab to them. I just need a nap. I went down and slept for 2 hours. Now things are better. I will go to bed early tonight and hope I have a good week!

Choices

Cheer leading.
Hair.
Life.
Boys.
Friends.
Weekend.
All topics I have things to blog about. Which one to pick? Too many choices! Just pick? Well what if I write and half way through, I decide one of the others woulda been better? Hmmm....

Choices.

This blog isn't going to be about any of the above. Now that I'm thinking, there is a better choice than all of them. And that is to blog about CHOICES. Life is full of them! Almost everything is a choice. It starts right away when you wake up. To hit snooze? Or lay in bed for 5 ,10 more minutes? Then its the choice on what to wear, what to eat, what shoes to wear, and the list goes on and on! However, some choices are more serious than others. Some are life or death situations. If someone you know, or a loved one got in an accident that caused them to be on life support, you have to make the choice of keeping them on it or taking them off it. That is so much more important than what to wear today. Another choice that would be more serious could be if you got asked to do drugs or something of that nature. You have to make the choice to say yes or no. If you make the choice to say yes, there are so many bad things that could happen. You could get caught. An even more serious risk would be you dying. Those are two of the more serious choice that you have to take time and think about! Most of our daily choices we don't have to think about. They are easy choices to make! But a lot of the time people make choices with out thinking. Even the simplest ones. I think if everyone would take one second, or one more second to think about the choices they make or are going to make, there would be a much more positive outcome of things.

Caught in the Middle

Caught in the middle.
Between two people you love.
I knew it would happen.
Someday.
But did I?
It's here. It hit me.
It sucks so much!
I don't know what to do.
You hear both sides.
What to do?
I'm stumped.
Speechless.
I try to help,
But it only makes things worse.
Great.
Now he's mad
She's not.
My eyes well up.
Here comes the tears.
He says his heart is broken.
That kills me SO much!
He is like my older brother, has been for 15 years!
But she is like a sister. One of my closest friends.
What if I loose someone?
I cant just act like it's nothing.
Seriously?!
Ugh ):
Tears rolling down.
Is my family mad at me?
Knots in my stomach.
I think I just need to back out,
Let them figure it out.
But its kinda too late.
I'm scared.
I love them both so much.
Caught in the middle..
..What to do...?

Up, Up, up and...back down

I knew it.
Too good to be true.
And he was the one to go to my friend and ask if I really like him.
Ugh. Again
Why do you just stop?
I try so hard.
And fall EVERY TIME!
Then I get screwed over.
Sitting, waiting
For you to text me.
Early mornings
Late Nights.
Nothing comes.
Now what?
Did I seriously do something again?!
Please, just tell me.
It kills me not knowing.
Short messages, not cute anymore.
Well this sucks.
I can try and try with all my might, but nothing seems to get through to you!
My hopes are up again.
Only to fall one more time.
In the end I know I will find that special someone.
But at the moment, I just gotta tell myself
"..this is only going to make you a stronger person. Don't give up.."

moved in..for the tenth time

I have moved SO many times! Mostly with my mom. It has been my dad's dream to build a house. We started the building process in about March. It was a long process. So many things to pick out and decide! I didn't even have to decide on that many things. I cant imagine what it was like for my dad! We did a lot of building and helped out a lot. It saved us quite a bit of money. My dad worked out on it so much. I helped to, and so did everyone else but it doest even compare to the amount my dad did. We were renting a house in Albert Lea so we only had so much time. We ended up moving in with the house not fully complete. So we worked to get it done! Now we have been living in it for about 2 weeks. In the beginning, it didn't feel right. Not quite like home. I think a lot of people feel that way at first though. I have all my close put away, pictures hung up and things where they need to be. It's starting to feel like home. I am so happy for my dad and that his dream came true! Our house is about 3 miles west of Clarks Grove, in the country. It's such a good feeling knowing that I will probably not move until college. It will take some getting used to living out in the country but it will be VERY fun! In about a month, we should be all settled in and it will feel like home! (:

Dont Jump to Conclusions!

Everyone jumps to conclusions. And usually they jump to conclusions FAST! That happened to me twice today. One was with a friend. I posted something to Ashely on facebook and she thought it was about her. I hate when people butt in. She not only jumped to conclusions, she butted into our conversation and assumed things that weren't true! That is one of my pet peeves. I told her that it wasn't about her and kinda hinted she shouldn't get involved with other people's conversations. This next one was my fault. I was texting a guy and we had been talking all day. Everything seemed fine. Then I got this message with a signature on the bottom with a girls name and a heart. My stomach fell. It felt like I got punched in the gut so hard 100 times!! I didn't know what to think. I had been talking to this boy for over a while now and everything seemed just fine! I didn't know what I could have done or anything! So I jumped to conclusions. I thought he was dating this girl. That's what most people would have thought right? I texted back right away asking who this girl was. No reply. Great. This makes things a lot better! Now I'm getting more and more nervous. I resent the message and still no replay! AHH! Now I'm really scared and sad. Finally he replies and said it was his cousins name and she took his phone. WO! I feel so dumb now. It's amazing how fast people can jump to conclusions! Give it time. Then try and figure it out BEFORE jumping to conclusions. I learned my lesson today!

Get it together here!

Well I almost forgot to blog twice this week. I have a lot of things I could blog about. School, grades, sports, a new guy, life etc etc. The quarter is almost done. This school year has not been that good in terms of grades. I am slacking SO bad. I feel so careless. I'm not doing bad but I have B's. I usually get one B at the most. I have 3 now and the quarter is coming to an end really fast!! I know I can do better. I have told myself that so much and I'm still not doing anything about it. My friends and I talk about this a lot and they all agree with me! This year everyone feels so careless. Now all of our friends are getting their license so we are never home. Go out every day or have practice. This year i am never home! I really really need to pull it together! I know I am capable of doing it. I just need to show it. I think now that its getting closer and closer to the end of the quarter I am realizing it. That's not a good time to realize it because then I have no time to get my grade up! AHH! I know I will probably get my butt chewed when my grades come so that might be a slap in the face and help me out a little bit. I really need to prioritize my things and activities. Maybe I shouldn't go out every night! But then I feel like I have no life. I think this is a loose loose situation. I guess I will have to try and get it together. Or just keep doing what I'm doing now and see what happens. Which probably isn't a good idea and wont turn out so good....

Ashley Anita
Taylor Elaine

Just names?
I think not.

Those are the names of two of my best friends. Everyone has friends. they come and they go. i have lost so many friends through the years, but i have gained so many more! I guess that's just what junior high and high school does to you. I used to be so close with a lot of guys in elementary but then we drifted apart. i have so many amazing friends! Summer, Sam, Macy, Katie, Gilby, Ally, Courtney, Megan, Taylor, Keisha, Stacia, and SO many more! you all are SO amazing and i would DIE with out all of you. I LOVE MY GIRLS! (you too guys (; ) Friends are so amazing. i cant even name off all the reasons. Laughs, tears, late night talks, the gossip, the guys, fashion shopping! Well you get the picture(: with that said..

Ashley and I haven't known each other for about 2-3 years. just this last summer was the summer we became really close. we hung out so much and did everything together!! it was one of the best summers ever! i always wonder to myself "Why didn't I meet this girl sooner and become friends with her?!" She is amazing. I know i can count on her for any and everything! i always go to her when i have boy problems, some new gossip or just a shoulder to cry on. i would not know what i would do without her! I LOVE YOU ASHLEY ANITA!! (:

Taylor Elaine. I have known this girl my WHOLE life! now how many of you can say that about someone!? (: when we were little, we lived right next door to each other. we didn't go to the same school till i was in 4th grade. she is a year younger than me..well 8 months. ha but then we moved away. only like 4 miles though. we would still always hang out, go to movies ect. She really is my sister i never had. i always go to her too. We talk about EVERYTHING! Yeah, there will be fights but we always manage to get through it. together. we always work it out. we have pretty much been through everything together. we are undestroyable! i don't think we will ever stop being best friends! I LOVE YOU TAYLOR ELAINE!! (:

so thanks for everything all my girls!! (:

Haven't done a whole lot today,
just one of those lazy days
everyone needs those once in a while.

Night comes around,
eat with the family,
go get ready and come back down stairs
going to go out with friends tonight.

I get to the field,
go find everyone.
we chat,
have a lot of laughs
its a good time.

We see some cute guys and my frinds ask me to go down and talk to them
I go down
did a girl a favor...(:
and got their numbers

going out with the girls,
grab a bite to eat after the game.
a little more laughter
A little more chatting

Sounds like a pretty fun and good night, right?

Well, now it all changes

I get in the car with my mom.
Silent.

Now I'm home.
Get a message.
Its from him
I think my heart just broke. Again.
He says he honestly doest wanna hang out and then it came...the words no girl wants to hear.
Bye.
I liked him so much

Now those boys from the game are texting me.
Jerks,
Liars.
Ugh.
It just proves everything to me. Again
That all boys are the same

But I'm talking to that one that can show me they are not all the same
I know i can count on him.

My mom is laying on the couch.
She turns the TV off.
Comes over and talks to me

You need to be more grateful
Respectful.
Here come the tears
I thought i raised a grateful girl
i don't know what i did wrong
The world doest revolve around you.
Show everyone you care about them as much as they care and love you

Wo!
i think my jaw dropped.
Where the heck is this coming from!?
Hearing this crushes me so bad.
it kills me
What did i do?

This night went from pretty fun and amazing
to a night from hell.
I couldn't even think straight.
One thing after another.
Ugh...
I hope tomorrow is better

Do what you need to do...whatever it takes.

I'm not really sure if I can take this much longer.
I'm so frustrated and fed up with this!
Ahh!

You make me want to rip my hair out of my head.
To shake you,
Yell COME ON!!
I try so hard.
And you just don't get it

I wish I could just call you and let it all just come out.
Then you will know how I feel

I get so frustrated.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I try and try to move on...

I just cant seem to do it...
I know I probably deserve better but,
Ugh...I just cant get my mind around the fact of loosing you.

The second and third chances,
I guess I can erase all the bad things and only focus on the good things.
They must really over rule the bad.

All I can ask is why.
I tell you how i feel.
And nothing seems to change.
Obviously you don't feel the same way about me as I do you.

Saying that hurts.
So bad.
It's like a sharp needle through my heart.
It leaves me breathless.

My eyes are welling up.
Why me...
Rolling down my checks.
Why cant you just realize this.
And be here for me

Wow.
I really don't know what to do or think.
This is so hard.
Words cant describe what I'm feeling.
I really have NO clue what to think.

My mind is racing.
Big breath in,
Just relax baby girl.
Do what you need to do...

I miss this...

They come out onto the field.
Warm-up.
Then the announcer comes on saying please stand for the National Anthem.
Now they are getting announced.

Looking around for that certain number.
Cant quite find him...
The kick off.
Running, Passing, TOUCHDOWN!

Found him.
Laying on the field.
Is he hurt?
Nope, he got back up
Good for him!

Now I see that number.
My eyes wont leave it.
Running back and fourth from the field to the bench.

I didn't realize how much I missed it.
The talks, cute messages.
It kinda sucks.
I wonder who is wearing his other jersey.
Lucky girl.

It's so cold out.
But then I just think to myself maybe you can see him after.
Hang out.
Only a matter of minutes left.

The game is done.
They lost.
I bet he is bummed.
But he played so good.

We go to the locker room.
I send him a message saying good job! Your such a stud(:
He replies!
I tell him I am outside.
Now he is being cute again.

Standing,
Waiting,
To see if he will come out.

There he is.
He sees me.
But it's just a quick hi,
Its better than nothing I guess

We text after,
Hoping we can hang out.
He is tired so we cant
maybe next time...

Man I miss this...
..and him
If only he knew...

Amazing,
There for you,
Tears shead,
Smiles too.

Through good times and bad,
Right next to you or miles away.
They are always there.

I can look right next to me,
and see you there.
My other half,
Best Friend,
Lover,
Wittle Baby,
Companion,
Partner in crime.

One minute your here,
The next your gone.

Not one word can describe what you mean to me.
I look out the window and see your face.
Your gone.
Never coming back.

I didn't think it would hurt so bad.
Or I would miss you this much.
My mind wont erase you.
Or my heart.

You wont ever know the pain you put me through.
The Heartache.
You meant so much.
And now so little.

The tears start rolling down my face.
I start to throw everything out.
All the pictures,
Letters,
Love notes.

I try to banish all the memories.
I cant.
Stay strong, I tell myself.
You will get through it.

Hold you head up high like nothing ever happened...

Who Knows What the Next Second can Bring

That is like the theme of life. One minute everything is fine but the next it has gone totally down hill. This blog is kinda like the Cj one. I went to a hockey game tonight and we were down 0-1 then 1-2 then we tied 2-2 and then ended up winning 3-2! 2 of those goals happened in the third period. It was like bam, bam in a way. They were both kinda unexpected. For me at least. That made me think wow anything can happen at any moment. If you stay bound and determined, you can do anything. The boys didn't give up. they gave it their all. That's what we need to do then we can realize anything is possible. Think of the positive. Anything is possible(: and remember it only takes a second for things to happen!

Life--Can you describe it in one word?

Well I'm struggling with my blog today. I have absolutely no idea what to blog about today! That hasn't happened to me yet and honestly I didn't think it would. But anyways..my life at the moment is kinda crazy. As well as being crazy its hectic, stressful and time consuming! With school, sports, family, friends and what not, it seems like I have no time at the end of the day. In a way that's kinda my fault because I always end up going to hang out with friends after school then go to a sporting event or something. If its not that then there is a tennis match that I go to and support my girls. Then that leaves me getting home at 9 on a good night but probably later. Now I have to get my homework done! On top of that, my mind is racing about tests, what my MRI will show about my knee and my friend Cj wont leave my mind! Today I have SO much homework. probably the most i have had all year. So when the day is said and done i like to go lay down in my bed, curl up in my blankets , listen to my ipod and go to sleep. Hopefully the weekend will bring some down time! When people read this I don't want them to think i hate my life or anything because I LOVE MY LIFE! I'm just venting(:

Reality Hit....HARD!

You always hear the saying "It can happen to anyone." I know I never really think about that saying. I realized that's true this morning. I came to school, saw my friends then got the news a guy I know from Waseca got in a car accident. I was shocked. He was flown to Rochester and is in critical condition. The thought kept running through my mind all day. I couldn't even focus in school. After school, I was with friends so my mind was on other things. After my friends left, it just kinda hit me hard and I broke down. It's so scary thinking about it. I can't imagine what his friends and family are feeling like. It sucks. He wasn't doing anything wrong! Now I really realize things can happen so fast. In the blink of an eye! It really DOES happen to anyone! I've been affected by this whole thing and I know many more have been also. Don't take anything for granted. I know after being in this situation that my life has kinda been changed because now I will look at things differently, not take things for granted and make every minute count! My friends and family have helped me out a lot too. He is in my prayers and thoughts...

Hurry up..and wait

Doesn't it seem like most of your life you hurry up, then wait? That's what it's been like for me the last few weeks with my knee injury. I've been to the doctor 3 times now in the last 2 weeks. You make the appointment, then wait for the day to come. The day comes, you arrive at the doctors' office and sit down and wait to be called. Today I went and got and MRI. It was pretty scary. The thing is so small! I just had to lay there and not move for 30-35 minutes while all these loud noises and such were taking pictures of my leg. I waited for this appointment for around 5 days and now I have to wait a week and a half to get the results! Hurry up. And wait. It's beginning to sound like the story of my life. Ha ha. Oh well. I will just have to deal. It will be done with sooner or later!

Life has it's ups and downs

Everyone fights. We try and make up. It usually works. For me, at least. Today was one of those days. I was invited to go to a Twins game with my friend. It was all good until I called my mom to see if I could borrow her t-shirt. She freaked out. She said I couldn't go because of my crutches. That it would be too hard to crutch around the Metrodome. I was so mad. I knew I could do it. It turned into a fight. Not a huge one, but it defiantly wasn't a small one either. She got her way and I didn't go. I was so frustrated with her! I was with my dad today too. I didn't want to talk to her at all the rest of the day. She texted me though. I replied. I'm still not happy with her but I need to realize and think about her view too. I need to forgive and forget. Fights happen. We will disagree with people and get mad. So what. Move on. That's what I need to do.

Cripple...Times 3

I'm on the tennis team. Recently I played in a varsity tennis tournament and injured my knee. I was going for a shot and my knee twisted and gave out. Now I am in a knee brace and on crutches. As many people know, I am in a back brace for scoliosis. So now I have my back brace, a knee brace and crutches. I am kinda struggling to get around on crutches with my back brace. I will be on crutches for at least a week to 10 days. I'm not sure how long I will be in my knee brace. I am most likely done with my tennis season. Which sucks. Good thing I got the braces off my teeth! Ha (: one less "brace" to worry about!