The footprints you left

"Some people come into our lives, and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on your heart. And we are never, ever the same."

Little did you know that you made a difference. Not a difference that is noticeable, but you changed my life. A difference that made me who I am today, a difference that has helped shaped me. A difference that now makes me realize whats important in life, and what I can do without. A difference that makes me live life to the fullest, a difference that has me living with no regrets.

You came into my life, but then left me. I was falling day in and day out, until I finally hit the ground. Little did I know, that you wouldn't be there to catch me. I had to pick myself up, and dust the dirt off my shoulders, and walked away like nothing ever happened. Being with you made me whole, complete. I could be myself around you and not care about anything.

All the days it was just me and you, you and me, I had the biggest smile on my face. You touched my life like no other guy has. Each and everyday you left your own special and unique footprint on my heart, leaving your trademark. I know people come and go from our lives each and every day, but I didn't think we would come to that. I don't know if you realize how big of a part of my life you were, what you made me. As I go through out each day, living my life the way that's best for me, I catch myself thinking back, and feeling those footprints still on my heart.

It may hurt me, but in the end I know it was for the best. Those footprints will forever be on my heart, each one having its own meaning. A part of you will never leave me, that part making me whole. I don't regret anything we had, for that time was one of the best. You were my all, my everything. I know you wouldn't want me to be in any pain. And when I am, that's when I sit back and close my eyes to feel those footprints you left on my heart...

Your in my thoughts, your in my prayers

This is another blog I don't want to write,
Another blog that breaks my heart with every word I type.
An innocent girl,
Hanging on to life with all she has.
Not giving up,
Because she knows its not the end for her.
Lexi Hagen.
A bright, beautiful and strong girl,
That got in an accident around March 23rd.
She was driving and rolled her car,
And is now laying in the hospital,
Giving it all she has to stay here with us.
As I read her caring bridge and the Facebook pages,
I can feel my heart break.
The family and friends that love her,
Sitting by her,
Helping her through this very hard and difficult time.
It brings me back to the time, 6 months ago,
When CJ got in a car accident, and was in crucial condition.
And Jacob died.
CJ pulled though.
Knowing the condition he was in,
And Lexi's current one,
I know she can pull through.
It just makes me realize even more,
That it can happen to anyone,
At anytime, anywhere.
Live your life to the fullest.
Never look back.
Live life like its your last.
I cant say and think that enough.
People don't get it until it has happened to them.
Please pray for Lexi and her family.
Your in my thoughts and prayers girl
Stay strong Lexi Hagen!

This one's for you...

The hardest thing in life is loosing the ones you love, the ones that are closest to you.
To come home each and everyday and see them struggling?
How it breaks my heart.
To wish I could just go and grab them in my arms,
And make everything all better.
Seeing them struggle, and knowing you cant do anything is the worst part.
Knowing that if I could do anything,
Take the pain for them,
Make them go back to normal,
But I cant.
All you can do is sit there and watch.
Sitting in their arms,
Just like it was when you were a little girl,
You can feel your heart breaking more and more,
With each moment of silence.
As all the memories come back to you,
From the holiday dinners to birthday parties,
Or just the days when it was you her and  grandma.
I know loosing you would come,
Since its part of life.
But I didn't think it would have this effect on me.
As we arrive at your funeral,
And your not there, with me,
Tears starting rolling down my checks.
You were my all, my world.
The one I looked up too.
I cant take this pain and heartache.
Then I see grandma, as she comes over and grabs me.
I look over and see my dad, my brother, crying.
My grandma holds me, and I hold her.
Tight. Not letting go.
It doesn't seem real,
Loosing you, and knowing you wont be back.
Looking back on everything today makes me realize all that we had.
Our special bond.
I wish I could tell you I Love You one more time.
To spend one more day with you.
Anything.
But your gone, and you wont be able to read this.
There is so much I want to tell you.
Everything about life,
School, boys, drama, the whole 9 yards.
But your gone.
This blog is dedicated to you,
Grandma Holstad.
I love you and miss you so much <3
I will see you again, I promise.

Whoever says those in your family cant be your best friend, are wrong.
The one that loves you the most, and is there through everything,
The one that makes your stronger, and shapes who you are.
As you look at the special person, you can see part of yourself looking back at you.
You know that she is a part of you, and you're a part of her.
You have her smile, her eyes.
Looking at her,
You hope to be all she has become.
Such a strong, independent, smart, beautiful, wise woman.
You know she has been through hell and back,
And that she has pushed through it all.
Sure, there are struggles and rough patches,
But she is the one that is there for you,
Never going to let you down.
This whole process,
Life,
Is making you closer, your bond stronger.
She gives you the advice,
On everything under the sun.
She is the one you go to for it all.
The boys,
Drama,
Rumors,
Money,
Or just when you need a hug, or a shoulder to cry on.
Never let anything get in the way of this special thing you have.
Everyday you will become a stronger pair.
You go through life hand in hand.
She is the one that wont leave you,
When the rest of the world walks out.
The one that will wipe away the tears,
And the one that will be right next to you sharing that big smile.
Don't let this fade.
You wont get it back.
Something that you will regret if you loose it,
But something you will Cherish with your life.
Its so unique, this bond.
Of course you will have bonds with many people in your life,
But this is one that will be there forever.
Don't let it go.
Now, some many have figured out who I am talking about.
Who this special person is.
Who I have this bond with,
And who is my all.
Its my mom.
Julie Kay Johnson.
She is the best.
We are best friends.
Nothing will change that.
Day by day, we become closer.
I look at her and hope I can be like her when I grow up.
I love you soo much mom.
>

What doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger

That big grin going from ear to ear,
From morning to night,
Never loosing any of its spunk.
The outcome of something that you've waited for for 2 years.
Those words,
You didn't think you would hear.
Bye bye brace.
No more wearing it to school,
Or during the day.
It pays off,
To be patient.
To listen to the ones who know what they are talking about.
To have confidence.
To push through the things life throws at you.
To stay strong.
To turn to the ones that love you, and support you no matter what.
To get through the pain,
And to shed a few tears.
Because it all pays off in the end.
Everything in life teaches you something.
No matter if its good, or bad.
Being one of those people out there that had to be in a brace,
For 2 years,
20 hours a day,
Made me who I am.
It was a big part of my life that helped me shape who I am.
It made me such a stronger person,
It helped me turn to those I love,
It helped me realize some of the most important things in life,
It helped me to have hope, and look for the light at the end of the tunnel.
It helped me push through each day,
It helped me and gave me a reason to smile more.
It helped me realize that there are people out there that have it worse than me.
Wearing this brace was one of the toughest things I've been through.
It was also one of the scariest, and probably one of the better too.
It taught me so much.
It shows me that there are reasons for things,
And the hard things in life end too.
It just gives you a reason to show everyone what your capable of.
To show them you can do it.
I showed myself that I could do it.
I didn't do this by myself, or go thorough this long process by myself either, not even close.
You will have so many people out there to help and support you,
Love and care about you.
Let them help you, and turn to them when you need to.
They wont let you down.
They are there to help.
Its worth it.
Because whatever doesn't kill you...
Only makes you stronger.

No one wants to become one of those numbers,
The numbers that help all the professionals figure their data,
A stat.
The accident stats,
Homicides, killings and murders.
The stats about parents walking out of your life.
You may not think of it happening to you,
But when it does, what are you supposed to do?
Just continue on with life?
Talk to someone?
Keep it inside?
All the options.
Its not something you want.
Not for you, or anyone that you love or care about.
Just by looking at someone, you would never know.
It could be the pretty, popular girl,
The football all star
Or the nerd with the big glasses.
It's not fun,
Knowing you are one of those that says,
"One of my parents was only in my life for so long"
Not having them is one of the biggest challenges of life.
Its like a part of your heart lost, gone.
Everyday you dream and hope,
Think of how things could be better, and that special person would be back in your life.
Waking up and knowing they wont be there,
And you wont get to see them, it hurts.
My heart aches.
It aches knowing the simplest things wont be the same.
No more good night kisses,
The big bear hugs.
Its almost like this big 10,000 pound block coming down and crushing you.
The years you had were the best,
Words cant describe them.
A person lost,
A piece missing.
Hearts hurting,
Tears streaming.
A stat,
That now I could be a part of...

What happens when,

The world comes crashing down,
And everything seems to be going wrong.

When you have no reason to smile,
But every reason to be sad.

When you feel like you have nothing left to give,
And all is drained from your mind and body.

When you cant stop hurting,
A constant pain going thorough your body.

When tears keep running down your cheeks,
Not slowing down, to give you a break.


That's when you realize your bigger than it all,
Stronger than you believe.
You fight, until the battle is over,
Giving it every last ounce you have.
You do not give up.
You can do it,
Hold that head high,
And walk like you are undestroyable.
Speak your mind,
It will be worth it.
Look at those in your life that will be there through it all,
The ones that love you at your best,
And hold you at your worst.
Find those who are willing to go down with you,
And will get right back up, and bring you up with them.
Set your sites on whats important,
And go for that.
Take it as it comes,
Little by little,
One step at a time.
You are you,
Don't let anyone tell you different,
Or change the person you are.
Time will heal,
Just stick with it,
And go along with each path it takes you to.

What if....

What if the one you loved stopped loving you?
What if the one that was always there walked out?
What if the road gets long and bumpy?
What if your so close to giving up?
What if there is nothing to keep you going?
What if everything takes a turn for the worst?
What if the tears wont stop?
What if the pain doesn't go away?
What if you fell, and cant get back up?
What if all you need was someone to...

Then you fight,
Fight to get that love back.

Then you close the door behind them,
And let the ones that matter stay inside.

Then you hold on tight,
And keep looking for the smooth pavement.

Then you don't look back,
Just look ahead and say "I can."

Then you dig down deeper,
Until you find that last bit of hope to keep you going.

Then you focus on the good in life,
Seeing how it over rules the bad.

The you go get a tissue,
And wipe away the temporary tears.

Then you go and get a band aid,
And hope it helps the pain.

Then you find your inner self that says I can,
And get the strength to pull yourself back up and dust the dirt off.

Someone to love you, someone special to walk into your life, someone to lean on when the going gets rough, someone to tell you that you can, someone motivating you every step of the way, someone to remind you of the good things in life, someone to hand you that Kleenex, someone to put the band aid where it hurts and make the pain all better, and someone to give you a hand, and help you back up <3