Nothing can take me down

I close the door as the tears stream down my face.
Again, out of no where.
It kills me so bad. Why?! The only question running through my mind.
I don't know where to go, what to do or who to talk to.
As I sit on the floor, tears coming out of me like a running sink.
I cant talk, or even think.
My minds a mess, so is my heart. I feel like there is a huge hole in it.
As I look outside, the sun is shining. A beautiful day.
If only all that warmness could come into me, and warm me up.
I sit there thinking, "How can I change?"
Brainstorming all the ideas running through me.
My mind is blank in a way. I have a killer headache now.
All I could use is a hug. A pat on the back. Someone to tell me its going to be okay..
That's what parents are for right? Well not this time...
As I sit there taking it all in, him telling me that I'm rude, and disrespectful.
How I owe everyone an apology. If things don't change I will be out of all my activities,
No phone, no rides to school, no rides to sporting events or to friends.
I try to talk. No, he tell me. I don't want to hear you talk.
Ouch. That one hurt. Every part of me hurts.
It feels like someone keeps beating you and once your down, they keep on doing it.
The tears wont stop. I try but they just keep coming.
I don't want people to think this of me! That's the part that's killing me.
How could I live with that!?
Things have to change. I have to change.
Not only for me, but the ones around me.
He gets up, leaves.
I sit there, alone. Again.
No where to go, No one to talk to, No idea what to do.
At this point, I think all hope is lost.
I get up, and go to bed.
Get up the next morning, head held high, like nothing ever happened.
But on the inside I'm dying. I just remind myself not to let anyone notice.
Stay strong. Hold you head high. You've been through so much already, you can take this.
Just keep that in the back of your mind...and continue on.

You had me at hello....

Wake up, check my phone.
It's a habit.
Today I wake up to a "hey you!"
My day has been made.
Not suprising. He does it quite often.
He sucks me in, more and more each day.
6 feet of all american boy.
The big green eyes,
Shaggy blonde hair.
The one behind all the cuteness.
I listen to the song "One Less Lonely Girl" by Justin Bieber.
He makes me feel like there is one less lonely girl in this world.
He may not know that though.
All the butterflies and the warm feeling in my stomach when I see the text messages from him.
When it comes time to say good night, I am dying inside, waiting for the next day to come. To be able to talk to him again.
You make me smile. I catch myself laughing out loud sometimes.
You are so adorable.
I cant even think about not talking to him anymore.
It would suck. I gotta take every minute with him and enjoy it.
I havent felt like this in a long time. Its nice, knowing you have someone to wake up too.
We might not be dating yet, but we have talked for so long.
All day, everyday.
To hear your voice, it sends chills up my spine.
"Night baby girl...."
Baby, you had me at hello....

You lost me...

The slurred words.
Funny walking.
I knew it right when I saw you.
It hurts. My heart aches.
We have had conversations about this before.
You know I don't like it.
I hate it. I told you not to do it.
You don't act like yourself at all.
Jumping up on tables, yelling.
I grab you. We're leaving.
I put you on the couch. Your out in a matter of seconds.
I go up to bed. Think.
Think of how this kills me. What you did to me.
I cant get my head around it. Why? That's the only thing I can ask myself right now.
How can I trust you again?
It's morning. He cant remember a thing.
We talk. I cry. Will we fix this?
He apologizes so many times. I don't get why I cant let this go.
Trust. Lies.
As the tears stream down my face, he pulls me in closer.
He leaves and I go to my room.
Why is this so hard? Kiss and make up. It's that easy. Not.
He lost my trust,
Respect.
He lied.
He lost me...

Daddy's Little Girl, Mommy's Little Angle

Those big blue eyes,
That HUGE grin going from ear to ear.
The soft little fingers and toes,
Interlacing with yours.

All the baby clothes,
The diapers and pascafires.
And the typical eat, sleep, poop.

You hear the cries,
Turning into whines.
Now she's talking.
Oh the time flies!

All the flashbacks from when she was little,
Now you turn around and she's walking down the asile.
You remember how you used to tuck her in at night,
Give her a kiss on the check.

All the late night talks,
Early morning wake up calls.
The tears shed,
Laughs and smiles had.

You remember the boy talks,
The shopping trips.
All the boy things you tried to get ther to do.
Painting her nails.

Back to the day when she was 16,
Driving and the slamming doors at 1 A.M.
The parties and the sleepovers.
All the cute girly giggles.

That beautiful smile,
The long walks.
Hand in hand.
Heart to heart.

Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
The father daughther dance, mother daughter is next.
She looks so beautiful.
That white dress, make up on.

You look her in the eye.
Tears rolling down both cheacks.
"I love you so much. I don't know what I would have done with out you. You were my life, my all. You made me the person I am today.."
Is what she tells you

Your heart fills with warmth,
As the tears continue on.
Thats my little girl, my little angle.
Always has been, always will be....

Friday the 13th on Saturday the 14th??

It's finally here.
Friday, the weekend.
Its been a weekend I have waited for, for a long time.
A stressful and full week behind me.
Tryouts are done, I hope I made it.Now I get to go home and just hang out, relax with my best friend.We always have so much fun together. Her boyfriend comes over too.Watch a movie, just hang out.Now thier gone and I need to pack for our girls weekend up in the cities!Going to bed,getting up early to go out for breakfast.Alarm going off.Uff-da! It's early. 7 A.M.Call dad.Breakfast isnt happening.
He somes, it seems like he chose my brother over me.
No money, 2 strikes.
Im so frusterated! The tears come. My mom sees, and gives me a hug. What a great way to start off whats suppossed to be a fun weekend! :/ now I keep getting ready, up for no reason. Our ride comes at nine and we head up to the cities. Shopping! I text a friend happy birthday. No reply. This prooves he is a jerk, even though I've thought that already. What the heck did I do to him!? Ugh. At the mall, just hanging around. I cant even go to stores I like, another strike. Thats 3. Its lunch time. We go to this Kocomos places. Its not good. My food looks like a piece of rubber. Strike 4. now we are done. I can go to a few stores I like. It's so hot and I feel like crap. Strike 5. Not many bags in hand, I see things I like finally. It double the price of what it said. Nevermind, not getting it. Now what are we up to? 6 I think? We are leaving the mall. Off to the hotel. It's very fancy! We get settled in, then figure out where to eat. I'm talking to him. He knows the right words to make everything better. Why cant I just be with him? Those big eyes, big smile. We decide to walk to a place and see if we can get in. Its so cold out! And we cant get in till 9. Next place. Same thing, not till 9. Strike 7? Now we are back to where we started, passing the hotel, still walking. We find a sports bar kinda place and eat there. They bring out the food. Mine is wrong. 8 strikes! Jeez! Oh well, I still eat it. Walking back to the hotel. We get Star Bucks and go back to the room. Wrong thing again! Strike 9! Now I cant take it. Im not having any fun. My eyes well up again and I talk to my mom. I feel so bad that Im not having any fun. Im trying so hard, but its just one thing after another! I just wanna go home at this point. I'm so tired. Bed time. The next day is better. Get up, get ready and we went to Target. It was fun. We went out to luch and it was better than lunch the day before! I think things have turned around for me. I get home and not in the best mood because I wasnt too happy with my dad. Grandparents are coming. Great now Im a crab to them. I just need a nap. I went down and slept for 2 hours. Now things are better. I will go to bed early tonight and hope I have a good week!

Choices

Cheer leading.
Hair.
Life.
Boys.
Friends.
Weekend.
All topics I have things to blog about. Which one to pick? Too many choices! Just pick? Well what if I write and half way through, I decide one of the others woulda been better? Hmmm....

Choices.

This blog isn't going to be about any of the above. Now that I'm thinking, there is a better choice than all of them. And that is to blog about CHOICES. Life is full of them! Almost everything is a choice. It starts right away when you wake up. To hit snooze? Or lay in bed for 5 ,10 more minutes? Then its the choice on what to wear, what to eat, what shoes to wear, and the list goes on and on! However, some choices are more serious than others. Some are life or death situations. If someone you know, or a loved one got in an accident that caused them to be on life support, you have to make the choice of keeping them on it or taking them off it. That is so much more important than what to wear today. Another choice that would be more serious could be if you got asked to do drugs or something of that nature. You have to make the choice to say yes or no. If you make the choice to say yes, there are so many bad things that could happen. You could get caught. An even more serious risk would be you dying. Those are two of the more serious choice that you have to take time and think about! Most of our daily choices we don't have to think about. They are easy choices to make! But a lot of the time people make choices with out thinking. Even the simplest ones. I think if everyone would take one second, or one more second to think about the choices they make or are going to make, there would be a much more positive outcome of things.

Caught in the Middle

Caught in the middle.
Between two people you love.
I knew it would happen.
Someday.
But did I?
It's here. It hit me.
It sucks so much!
I don't know what to do.
You hear both sides.
What to do?
I'm stumped.
Speechless.
I try to help,
But it only makes things worse.
Great.
Now he's mad
She's not.
My eyes well up.
Here comes the tears.
He says his heart is broken.
That kills me SO much!
He is like my older brother, has been for 15 years!
But she is like a sister. One of my closest friends.
What if I loose someone?
I cant just act like it's nothing.
Seriously?!
Ugh ):
Tears rolling down.
Is my family mad at me?
Knots in my stomach.
I think I just need to back out,
Let them figure it out.
But its kinda too late.
I'm scared.
I love them both so much.
Caught in the middle..
..What to do...?

Up, Up, up and...back down

I knew it.
Too good to be true.
And he was the one to go to my friend and ask if I really like him.
Ugh. Again
Why do you just stop?
I try so hard.
And fall EVERY TIME!
Then I get screwed over.
Sitting, waiting
For you to text me.
Early mornings
Late Nights.
Nothing comes.
Now what?
Did I seriously do something again?!
Please, just tell me.
It kills me not knowing.
Short messages, not cute anymore.
Well this sucks.
I can try and try with all my might, but nothing seems to get through to you!
My hopes are up again.
Only to fall one more time.
In the end I know I will find that special someone.
But at the moment, I just gotta tell myself
"..this is only going to make you a stronger person. Don't give up.."