Whats meant to be, will be

As I lay my head down on my pillow,
And close my eyes,
All I see is you.
My mind will not slow down.
I try and figure out how I'm feeling,
Or the bigger question, what I'm feeling.
My stomach is turning.
I don't get why I want to be with you so bad.
When you put me through all that pain and heart ache.
I cant help looking over at you,
Standing in my basement,
Wishing you would come over and grab me,
Pull me in and hold me tight.
Why cant we just talk,
Figure all this out.
Sitting on the stairs as you walk past me and leave,
Pulls me down.
The tears are about ready to stream down my face, but I hold it together.
In my heart, I know I still have feelings for you,
But in my gut feeling is telling me that your a player and you only want to play games.
I don't want to admit it, but in my heart,
I don't think there will be anything between us again.
It hurts so bad to say that, and I would love it if you proved me wrong.
But deep inside, can I truly do that to myself again?
Get put through that? Why do you do this to me.
I don't know what to do anymore, I honestly don't know.
It leaves me speechless and my mind blank.
Its all up to you,
Everything is in your court.
I just wish you could realize it.
How I feel.
Whats meant to be, will be.
I just have to be patient and wait to see what is meant to be..